I'm just fishing

The biggest burden on one’s shoulder is the responsibility for one’s own actions, achievements , struggles– the responsibility of one’s own life .At times when it becomes too heavy, I wish I could wash my hands off this responsibility and blame it all on someone else. But the irony is that I myself am the supreme judge of my own actions, so I cannot pass the monkey on to somebody else’s shoulder. The best bet then would be to blame it on luck- the abstract, ubiquitous yet unseen force. Although I can seek some consolation in being the victim of bad luck but the mind does not vouch for that a 100% – I surely have a role in the big picture, luck is not the sole culprit, unless of course, if I were a fisherman.

Yes a fisherman’s life intrigues me because it has the backbone of luck, it thrives on luck day in and day out. I don’t have any knowledge of fishing, what the skill involves, what are the traits of good fishermen etc.,but I do believe that laying the net, hanging out the bait is only so much that a fisherman can do. He can build a superior net, dangle out the most appealing bait, but whether the timorous fish would bite the bait is something no one can control. At the end of the day, if he returns from the water with a light boat and empty hands, he can absolutely blame it on luck. And the next morning he can try it on different waters. If lady luck smiles next day he might return loaded with the silver ,slippery wealth that once floated in the ocean. After all, what can he do, there is no target to hit at, nothing tangible to create - just a sedulous wait after laying of the nets, just testing luck. Luck takes the steering wheel and takes the fisherman for a drive, if something untoward happens, blame it on the driver. That is a simple life, a scapegoat is readily available if he himself or someone else seeks an answer.

If any venture in life fails for any reason and you get to hear the sympathetic “Bad luck” message from someone, you know that it is a mixed message which wraps in it the subtle one “You did not try well enough”. And deep inside I know myself that I could have done better and me the judge is the most unforgiving, the coldest taskmaster. You can cut out and shut out all the voices that bother you, but the inner voice of self is the one that haunts, urges, blames all the time.

Who made me in charge of my own life, who gave me the license to drive this complex vehicle. Won’t it be great to just shrug it off and let luck take the beating for each action I want to undo, each word I want to take back, each effort I want to double.
Why cant I say I was fishing- it was all I could do. By the way why is there always so much more to do in real life, why isn’t anything ever enough, why is life so malleable and ductile and elastic and brittle – all at the same time. Why can’t everything be as simple as fishing. Won’t it be light-hearted and light-headed to live a fisherman’s life, leave it on luck and wait for the catch. I would love to swap one day of my life with a fisherman’s and be driven by luck, if the burden is lifted for just one day, its worth a lifetime.

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