The other day we,some friends,had some meaningful conversation (for a change)about how we fare as moms,each day.And though it was run-of-the-mill routine everyday stories of what happens at our homes,one thing was clear that we all deal with the same ordeal each day.
At so many instances ,I was like -"No this is me, this is what I say,what I do!!"
How could you know?
That is my story,too.Actually, we are all sailing in the same boat,over the same waters.And especially the morning saga is ditto, everywhere.
Each morning, getting ready for work with a target to be on time and getting Ishaan ready for school before the schoolbus time is a Herculean task.Each second is calculated and pre-determined, not a moment to waste.
And as I go to his room to wake him up, I am very gentle and tell myself that this morning I am not going to be mad at him before sending him off to school,come what may.I try to be very patient and calm in the beginning.
But as the hands of the clock continue their rhythm and I see him lingering on with his toothbrush,filling his mouth with water and spitting it out while continuously making silly faces and noises,I start losing it.Then after getting showered and dressed, when he sits with his bowl of cereal and two Power-ranger toys and concentrates more on the Power-rangers fight than the cereal, my tone turns into a warning.
And then he declares that he doesnt like the school lunch for today and wants a home-packed lunch, I quickly pack something while constantly reminding him to wear his shoes, wear his glasses and zip his jacket.But all these words fall flat on him with absolutely no effect and when its just 5 mins to 8:30 he has to go potty.
That drives the nail home and I end up shouting like a harridan and sometimes hit him too -in nervousness, in anticipation of missing the bus, then driving him to school and eventually reaching late to work.
Then quickly I wipe his tears and hug and kiss him, when he's still controlling his sobs.
That heaviness,that guilt burdens me all day,sometimes.
Again, next day,next morning, pledge to myself-I'll be a good mom!!